Sunday, October 16, 2005

Horrifying Hairstyles from Salon Slappy

Sometimes Slappy likes to try out other hairstyles. But he is not sure if they really give the effect of horror, so he switches back to his normal mop of terror hairdo. Here is how Slappy looked during his Little Lord Fauntleroy phase. Does it not look spooky?

Some say he looks like Shirley Temple, but trust me, Slappy was not singing Good Ship Lollipop at children's birthdays. Well not after that one time when he had to maim the Colonel with a steak knife. Oh how the children howled with fright to see the sharp implement of pain sticking out of the top of the Colonel's head.

Slappy also heard that redheads have a certain charm that others lack.

But Slappy always felt he looked like Little Orphan Annie after she got trapped in a salon with Jose Eber and his Secret Hair. Trust Slappy, no one wants to see Jose's secret hair. Slappy once got stuck in an elevator with Jose and he still has nightmares about Jose's tussel with Slappy's master. It was very disturbing.

56 Comments:

Blogger Alistair! said...

Jose Eber versus The Prophet Mountbank...sounds like a bad mexican wrestling tag match. I think green spiked hair would suit you fine of wooden one.

11:10 PM  
Blogger Satan said...

I thought I was your master Slappy?!

8:03 AM  
Blogger Slappy the Zombie said...

Sadly enough Jose Eber could probably wipe the floor with Prophet Mountebank as he could never get out of his own way.

Satan, you know that Slappy always serves the evilest of evil. But that in order to blend in and move about causing the most harm to society, Slappy adopts an imbecile for a master. This allows prime evil doing to commence.

The fools take Slappy to children's parties, theaters, elks clubs, and bakesales. If Slappy shows up at these events alone, it is very unnerving for everyone and makes Slappy's evil much harder to serve. And if there's one thing Slappy likes, it's serving evil to unsuspecting simpleton humans.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Ooooh, I like the blonde one! We could put little blue ribbons in your hair to make pigtails, and a little sailor hat, and one of those big swirly lollipops...

Adorable! I love you, my little Slappy-wappykins! *smooch*

10:27 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

Wait, if Satan is the Master, and the imbecile is the pretend Master..and Slappy is my Master....Where do I send the barbie heads? And who is paying for all that damn postage?

12:02 PM  
Blogger Calzone said...

Slappy.what up yo? You look totally hot in the blonde wig, and doable as a redhead.

Also I think you'd be fine going to childrens parties with Satan. I hung out with him at Chuck E. Cheese awhile ago and we had a blast. Except the asshole tried to cheat at skee ball.

12:50 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Calzone, I admit that the urges to clothe Slappy in wigs were part of a bizarre afternoon's doings. But the idea of you doing Slappy is going a bit beyond the pale of evil, methinks.

Urk!!!

1:10 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Dear Slappy--
I think you might be very interested in this article about freaky ventriloquists of the romantic era, including mention of my hometown, Portland, Maine, being the object of a horrible prediction by one, back in the early 1800s:
http://users.ox.ac.uk/~scat0385/hodgson.html

Perhaps you know some of these fellows???

2:48 PM  
Blogger Calzone said...

but Michelle..he looks hot

8:39 PM  
Blogger Slappy the Zombie said...

Okay, you see Satan is the master of all that's evil. So every evil thing falls under his domain. But Slappy travels through the portals of evil that run through the walls of your home. Slappy's imbecile masters are the human equivalent of a brilliant disguise due to the fact that if Slappy roams about on his own, people tend to be alarmed.

Therefore the debate comes down to you sending the Barbie heads to Hans Christian Anderson c/o Satan. And if you'd read your minions handbook, you'd realize that you are responsible for all postage.

Ubermilf....the name just screams out for a saccharine nickname. Slappy will ponder this in his study of imense evil - and when Slappy says study, he means a room with a fire, books, and several velvety chairs.

3:08 PM  
Blogger Willy Jo said...

i will take one of yer slappys. du you have any that resembel the baby jesus? er is slappy one of those ironing megaforces that dusnt reely exist. are you slappy?

3:29 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Dear Slappy--
I seem to have discovered a less-subtle relative of yours:

Haunted Dummy

3:48 PM  
Blogger FRITZ said...

These two pictures have really scared me. Really.

Please help with MY hair. Someone with a dark sense of humor thought it would be appropriate to dye my corn-colored tresses black and tease them into oblivion.

I think I need Slappy to work on the dead ends.

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