Thursday, October 06, 2005

Slappy Meets Another Idiot

Slappy had a very odd experience today. He has investigated the adult content spam that always appears on Slappy's blog. In his wanderings, Slappy stumbled upon a nightmare in human form. Slappy is confused, but if there's one thing Slappy knows, it's that this human is an imbecile!

Hi Slappy, you have an interesting name.
Slappy is very interesting.
You look interesting.
Imbecile! Slappy has already told you he is interesting.
You look hot.
Slappy is a comfortable temperature.
Slappy….do you slap people?
Slappy would like to punch you.
I like to be slapped.
If Slappy ever sees you he will slap the hell out of you.
That sounds fun.
Slappy hates you.
That makes me like you more.
You are an idiot!
I need to be put in my place.
Slappy knows a good place to put your body.
I have a nice body. See my boobs? They are 42DD.
Slappy is 1’ 10”.
???!!! That’s amazing!
Slappy is extremely amazing. He is made out of wood.
I love wood.
Slappy has a friend made out of oak.
Tell me about your wood.
Are you still bothering Slappy?
I like you.
I loathe you. You lack cranial activity.
No one is 1’10”?
Slappy doesn’t lie.
But 1’10” isn’t humanly possible.
Slappy did not say he was human.
I like role playing.
You are an imbecile.
Yes, I’m not worthy. Punish me.
Slappy will gladly punish you. He has a very sharp knife with your name on it.
Sounds deliciously dangerous.
Slappy will creep into your house in the middle of the night with his knife.
I’m alone in my bedroom.
Slappy will sneak into your bedroom. You will not know he is there.
I think I hear you at the foot of my bed.
Imbecile! Slappy can not be heard!
Okay, I have no idea you’re in the room.
Fool! Now Slappy has lost his train of thought. It is such a dangerous train, you do not want Slappy to lose it.
You’re at the foot of my bed…
Yes, Slappy creeps up your bedspread with his razor sharp knife. When you least expect it, Slappy will be there and you shall be terrified!
I’m going to scream.
Slappy would make you scream many times.
Sounds delish!
Fool! You are unbelievably stupid!
I can’t wait.
You won’t be waiting long. You’re at the top of Slappy’s “things to stick a knife in” list.
Is that what you call your wood?
Slappy hates you. You can be sure that Slappy’s knife will cut you again and again until you scream.
I love guys who make me scream. What would you do next?
Are you still there?
I’m waiting for you Slappy
Why are you still bothering me? Usually once Slappy uses knives on the humans, they do not speak. They lie there in a pool of blood.
Um... that’s a little creepy, but I like you.
Slappy is done with you.
Can I touch your knife Slappy?
Fool! Slappy will not give you his knife. How stupid do you think he is?
But I want to touch it.
You are a moron of immense proportions! You do not need a knife when you are dead.
Do not bother Slappy with your request for knives. You will not need them. Slappy brings sweet death!
Uhhhhh, what?
Imbecile! Are you not dead yet? Slappy thought he had buried you by now. Where do you live? Slappy must finish what he started. Where are you? Imbecile! Don’t provoke Slappy!


Blogger Monkey said...

This spam was posted by "molly wood", I guess that was in response to your "made of wood" comments Slappy. This human wanted more from you than you were willing to give, or so it is my noneducated guess.

I look forward to hearing more about your encounters Slappy. Does your minion Monica know that you are on ISPQ? I shall have to tell her. It will make her so very happy.

8:33 PM  
Blogger Calzone said...

dude...I met that same chick she was all 'I like it when you eat my entrails" Total turn off

8:36 PM  
Blogger Monica said...

Dear Oh Great Master Slappy,

This exchange has thrilled my soul and tickled my uvula. I am prepared to serve you via ISPQ in any way you deem appropriate. The tart with which you shared that conversation is on a low boil in my Amazing Pasta Pot as we speak.

Your Minion with kitchen skills,

8:47 PM  
Blogger Slappy the Zombie said...

Spammer Molly Wood will be taken care of very shortly. She does not know what she started by spamming Slappy. Slappy will not have it!

As for eating entrails, Slappy does not have entrails.

Minion Monica, Slappy was highly amused that you could get a creepy shirtless man to write on his own forehead. Has he no shame?

8:16 AM  
Blogger GatoAlto said...

But Slappy, these people provide an essential public service. Without them were would all those sad and lonely net-geeks go to release tension?

5:13 PM  
Blogger Jim Naka said...

You have a great blog here! I will be sure to book mark you. I have a pokemon toy site. It pretty much covers pokemon toy related stuff. Check it out if you get time :-)

6:33 PM  
Blogger Slappy the Zombie said...

Hmmmm, yes we can't have these sad and lonely net geeks running about, now can we? They might turn to carrying knives and expressing violence, thus making Slappy's lust for blood and violence seem not so scary.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Oh... my... GODS. I almost died laughing. She has no idea!!! Think how many oblivious human victims you could have if they are all this dumb!!! Wow.

I mean, actually asking if she could touch your knife...

And... and... [bursts into uncontrollable laughter]

Oh it's too much!!!

10:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

good resource here. I would also link to mac beauty product

8:40 PM  
Blogger voobl said...

Slappy is 1’ 10”.
???!!! That’s amazing!

bwahaha. that is the most halarious thing ive seen... in the last 8 hours

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Marepol said...

There is no doubt about it, slappy is a great character

1:27 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home