Friday, October 21, 2005

The Spooky Mr. French and His Amazing Rocket to the Ceiling Trick

Because Slappy is in the entertainment industry, often his imbecile masters would end up in some mansion in the Hollywood Hills with well known entertainers. Invariably Slappy would be brought out to inflict his own brand of mayhem on the party, but once in awhile there were others who brought the party to a screeching halt. One of those people was Sebastian Cabot, aka Mr. French from Family Affair.

Not many people know that Sebastian Cabot was a levitating madman. He could shoot straight up out of a chair at twenty miles an hour. That doesn't sound very fast until you're one of the evils or the humans who are trying to pull his head out of the ceiling. And it's damn annoying when party goers arrive late or go outside to imbibe even more alcohol, and then keep needling him until he does it again and again leaving your living room ceiling full of head sized holes - and the man had a massive cranium.

Slappy got so sick of Sebastian that he made numerous craters filled with dummies in Montgomery Cliffs ceiling. When that damn flying Mr. French's head punched through the handtooled tin ceiling, he was met with dummies galore, staring and staring the way that we do.

Cabot started screaming in sheer terror as everyone frantically pulled on his legs to get his enormous melon into view and find out what all the commotion was about. But as they dragged his carcass out of the ceiling, the craters Slappy made gave way. Dummies with knives in their hands and eyes of steel fell enmasse onto the unsuspecting party goers. Needless to say the party was ruined and Sebastian Cabot was a pariah in Hollywood for years until the popularity of Family Affair brought him back into acceptable social circles.


Blogger Monica said...

I always thought the kids from Family Affair were dummies. I am so sad that I missed this party.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Wow. I had no idea where all those holes in my ceiling came from.

Now I know!

11:40 AM  
Blogger Monkey said...

Sorry Slappy, but I am laughing too hard at this tale of terror to write anything pertinent or articulate.

I wish I had been there, trying to wrench his enormous melon free.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Slappy the Zombie said...

No, you don't wish you were there. Getting him out of the ceiling was incredibly annoying. Slappy always thought he should just be left dangling up there while the party raged on, but the stupid humans just had to pull him down.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Alistair! said...

I bend and bow. That was a fantastic story! I have cleaned my house now. With my tongue.

9:52 PM  
Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Oh, I have GOT to get you to one of our PTA meetings! Ladies, I brought the entertainment!

As for Mr. Cabot, aka Mr. French, I believe your hatred for him may have something to do with your failed relationship with Mrs. Beasley.

Let it go, Slappy. Let it go.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Satan said...

Actually Slappy, through your many travels you may not have realised that Sebastian was institutionalised after that event. Once committed he never left, Family Affair was filmed completely within the confines of a mental ward. Hence the popularity.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Slappy the Zombie said...

Ooooo Mrs. Beasley, how I loathed her...but that is another story entirely. I would be happy to attend your PTA meeting.

I am not surprised that Sebastian filmed Family Affair from a mental ward. The man was completely off his rocker, as were many of the people in Hollywood. But Slappy gives him credit for being one of the few who was so insane that he used his lack of mental facilities as a party trick.

I believe Alistair will soon follow the poor bastard as he's already cleaning the house with his tongue. What next? Cleaning his hosts house after parties?

2:40 PM  
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10:29 AM  

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