Monday, November 07, 2005

Blood, Stabbing, and Daisies

Since Slappy has been without a master, he's taken to smelling the daisies as they sit atop the freshly raked soil in the graveyard. But with all this relaxing, Slappy has forgotten something. He's forgotten about all that killing he was supposed to do. Thankfully Ubermilf's comments reminded Slappy that he needs to get to updating that list of people who need stabbing. Let's see, who rises to the top of Slappy's list?
  1. that kid with the creepy eye who lives down the street
  2. the ugly male human who cut Slappy off in the express lane of the grocery store
  3. the girl who took an hour to deliver Slappy's pizza
  4. that imbecile lawyer who gave the wildebeest with the windup leg to a human rather than Slappy
  5. the bony broad who likes the troll
  6. the Ten Tenors and their annoying voices
  7. Jerry Lewis
  8. that kid with the egg on his head
  9. the cretin next door who thinks hes gods gift to women


Blogger Mr. Paul Freeman, CEO said...

I also nominate slow Florida drivers.

Thank you.

Mr. F

11:23 AM  
Blogger Mr. Paul Freeman, CEO said...

P.S. It is especially nice that they are slow in this case because that means that you will have little or no problem running up behind them on your tiny wooden feet.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Wait... tiny wooden feet.. you don't wear CLOGS do you? Because if you do, all bets are off.

I hate clogs. All cool people hate clogs. And you want to be cool, don't you Slappy?

1:54 PM  
Blogger Satan said...

The girl who delivered your Pizza was me Slappy.

The delay was caused when the real girl took exception to being dismembered wit a teaspoon. Hang on, does that mea you didn't you get the message I spelt in pepperoni on your pie. Oh well, no wonder your intended 'new' master is still alive.

I'll just have to give him a scorching case of anal warts instead.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Alistair! said...

Slappy. Come visit me. I feel the need to be tied up.

9:09 PM  
Blogger Calzone said...

Thank God you are going to stab that kid with the creepy eye. I'm so sick of looking at him.

6:30 PM  
Blogger Slappy the Zombie said...

Slappy should have known the little pizza girl was you, Satan. It is abnormal for a pizza to be that hot after so much time in a car.

Slappy also now understands the screams of the pizza girl he stabbed with a pitchfork last night. She was claiming not to recognize him, but Slappy just thought she was playing hard to get.

Ubermilf, you above all else should know that Slappy is always cool. Whether he chases old drivers in Florida, or arguing with Satan about the message in his pepperoni, Slappy is cool.

And don't even insinuate that Slappy wears clogs. Clogs go clip clop. Slappys tiny wooden feet go tip tap tip tap - it is a totally different sound.

Mr. Freeman, you can not fool Slappy. You are one of the horrible drivers in Florida.

Alistair, Slappy has already tied you to a chair while you were asleep. Do you really want more rope burns? Slappy can comply, but he might bring some minions.

And Calzone - Slappy has already 86'd the kid with the creepy eye. He was really starting to get on Slappy's nerves.

8:45 PM  

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