Friday, November 10, 2006

Slappy is Knee Deep in Freaks

While Slappy is recovering from last nights debacle, he wonders what sort of freak would want to read his blood soaked tales. As Slappy ponders this enigma wrapped in a riddle, he finds the following searches are the most popular paths to his sweet abode of death.

  1. evil hairstyles
  2. slappy the dummy
  3. chucky slappy
  4. teddy roosevelt's monocle
  5. zombie hairstyles
  6. hairstyles of the early 1800s
  7. squirrel destruction
  8. horror chucky vs slappy
  9. david soul wife beating
  10. freaky little monkey
  11. slappy monkey it
  12. miss beasley doll
  13. wooden ventriloquist dummies/slappy doll
  14. jose hand ventriloquist
  15. ten things mrs beasley says
  16. monocles
  17. bozo pull string doll
  18. dont give up on my baby
  19. dummy head terror
  20. sea or octopus
  21. who likes sebastian cabot
  22. the dummy terror
  23. how to tease hair for zombie look
  24. wear monocle how
  25. mens' hairstyles of the 1800s
  26. mister eddie
  27. zombie dummy
  28. freaky hairstyles

Truly, you are all freaks of an unnatural proportion!! Slappy has a knife with your name on it, and a large monocle covered in blood.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Another Day, Another Imbecile

To Slappy's utter disgust, another master has appeared and taken Slappy into the horrible realm known as ventriloquism. Slappy is ready to explode and some poor unfortunate will feel the sharp sting of his wrath. And by sharp sting, Slappy means that sharp piercing feeling that you feel just before your head hits the floor. Your body will still be standing, but your head will be resting peacefully on a bed of wooden death.

The first time Slappy performed with this new imbecile master was at a Halloween party. My master kept trying to make me say "Hello boys and ghouls." Slappy doesn't like stupidity, which is why Slappy pinched his masters fingers in his mouth mechanism repeatedly.

Slappy also took to shouting out random things at inopportune times. When my master asked everyone to be quiet so he could tell a spooky story, Slappy waited thirty seconds before shouting, "Colonel Mustard in the library with the lead pipe!" Then Slappy hit his imbecile master on the back of the cranium, sending him sprawling on the owners prize bear skin rug. Slappy does so love bears. They are always good for causing some sort of carnage, even when they are only skin and fur. Slappy once saw a bear skin rug skiing down a mountain in Vail. Don't doubt Slappy!!!

PS. Slappy will never say "shout out to my peeps." So don't even think about it.