Thursday, November 09, 2006

Another Day, Another Imbecile

To Slappy's utter disgust, another master has appeared and taken Slappy into the horrible realm known as ventriloquism. Slappy is ready to explode and some poor unfortunate will feel the sharp sting of his wrath. And by sharp sting, Slappy means that sharp piercing feeling that you feel just before your head hits the floor. Your body will still be standing, but your head will be resting peacefully on a bed of wooden death.

The first time Slappy performed with this new imbecile master was at a Halloween party. My master kept trying to make me say "Hello boys and ghouls." Slappy doesn't like stupidity, which is why Slappy pinched his masters fingers in his mouth mechanism repeatedly.

Slappy also took to shouting out random things at inopportune times. When my master asked everyone to be quiet so he could tell a spooky story, Slappy waited thirty seconds before shouting, "Colonel Mustard in the library with the lead pipe!" Then Slappy hit his imbecile master on the back of the cranium, sending him sprawling on the owners prize bear skin rug. Slappy does so love bears. They are always good for causing some sort of carnage, even when they are only skin and fur. Slappy once saw a bear skin rug skiing down a mountain in Vail. Don't doubt Slappy!!!

PS. Slappy will never say "shout out to my peeps." So don't even think about it.

3 Comments:

Blogger Übermilf said...

If I were your mistress, I would never make you perform. I'd sit you on a satin pillow in front of Monstervision and make sure you weren't disturbed.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Monkey said...

That's quite the offer Slappy! Truly, I say, put your new Master in the woodchipper and make your way poste haste to the House of Übermilf.

9:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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4:10 PM  

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